Homewrecker
by transcendently
Summary: A not so conventional domestic fight breaks out. slight HibaGoku


Haven't written in a while and I wanted to try something new. Read: I wanted to try something that is horribly, regrettably, and disgustingly domestic and fluffy. Although you may feel inclined to do so (and I really can't blame you), plz to not be chewing on my intestines in fits of rage. Thank you!

**Homewrecker**

"I find her stunning. A little quirky, but charismatic nonetheless." Dino nods appreciatively, observing at a distance.

Squalo simply stares. With an expression unlike that of witnessing a devastating car crash with no survivors. And maybe a natural disaster or two, because fuck manners, this was a way too weird for any reminders on proper etiquette.

"We met at the florists." Dino continues, not at all perturbed (though he should have), "Second floor. Enzio picked her out of the crowd. Wouldn't leave her alone so I had to apologize and it went from there." A nostalgic sigh, before the man walked over and ducks down to give a light kiss to…

"It's a plant. It's a fucking plant, Cavallone."

Dino wheels around, now affectionately brushing the leaves as he corrects: "She's from the Strelitziaceae1 family. Her _name_ is Ophelia."

"A _plant_, Cavallone." Just in case he didn't hear the first time.

"She makes a wonderful companion. A little quiet, but she loves reading Shakespeare. The brainy type, you see." Followed with a tap to the head and a wink. And with that, Dino swivels his attention back onto the plant, whispering sweet nothings and quiet laughter. Squalo stays rooted on the floor, wondering if being embarrassed about watching a grown man being a little too affectionate with a house plant meant losing a few manly points.

Confused silence ensues, until—"Ah, that reminds me…we'll be having new additions to the family in a month, and we were wondering if you'd like to be their godfather…" A strangled cough and quickened steps towards the door was his only answer.

The sides of Dino's lips twitches and he leans back in his chair as the slam of the door reverberated around the room, wondering if anyone else would take up the offer.

* * *

"…who?"

"Fiona." Reborn states in his customary "why-don't-you-try-listening-sometimes,-Sawada" voice. "Quite intelligent. Gets it from her mother." He thrusts a potted plant towards Tsuna, nearly knocking the boy over and takes a step forward, arms crossed. "Dino and Ophelia will be out. Make sure to take care of her."

And quite understandably, Tsuna begins to protest. But Reborn leans in precariously and sighs, though mostly for the effect. It still manages to shut Tsuna up. "If you can't take care of one little girl, how capable are you of handling an entire _familiga_?"

"But it's just a—" The lack of concern written all over the baby's face momentarily stops his exasperate point. Makes it seem stupid. "Plant."

"Speciesist2, are we?"

* * *

This couldn't be happening. Shouldn't be happening. Can't be happening. _**NOT**_ happening.

Tsuna dropped his school bag unceremoniously on the ground, slowly falling to his unstable knees. The plant droops along with him.

Willing himself not to cry, he takes a few calming heaves before crawling over and prodding the sickly looking plant, attempting to pretend that it was all a dream. Six hours at school. Wasn't too much to ask for, was it? "Whyyyyy…whyyyyyyy?" he moans, coupled with harder jabs in frustration and terror of Reborn finding out his latest failure. He needed a miracle and needed it fast.

"Juudaime!"

Just in time.

* * *

Hibari glares and shifts in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable, giving the plant a disdainful frown. "I hate kids."

Gokudera mumbles to himself, something about watering techniques and sunlight, not at all listening to the boy beside him and shifts the pot two centimeters to the right. Then left. Then back again to its original spot. "Do you think she'll like it here?" he whispers conspiratorially, worried that he'll upset his newest guest.

"I don't want that thing in my house."

Gokudera finally stops fretting and attempts to burns holes into Hibari's school coat, fury shooting out of his eyes. "Fiona's not a thing." A pause. "And this isn't your house." More glaring ensues as he's reminded of this fact.

Hibari rolls his eyes and offers his most contemptuous stare in return. _Details_, he thinks, while entertaining thoughts of throwing the plant off a several-hundred story tall building.

"And get out, Fiona says she doesn't like the way you stare at her."

Make that several-_thousand_.

* * *

"Go on."

The bird refused to move. Hibari seized up, never having witnessed anyone—or anything for that matter disobey a direct order and would have crushed the bird between his fingers...if it weren't for the fact that he'd be killing off the only thing in the world that he could possibly tolerate. He scowls, wondering how in the world he had became so soft-hearted all of a sudden.

"I know it's not part of your normal diet," Hibari tries to reason, rapidly losing patience "but it's absolutely imperative that you—"

"Why are you talking to your bird in the middle of _my_ living room when I told you to get out?"

Hibari's face went through a slight spasm of disgust at the whole irony of it all, before reverting back to its original apathetic state. "I'm teaching Hibird to eat his vegetables."

And in only two short hours, Hibari is unceremoniously thrown onto Gokudera's unwelcome mat with a slam of the door as his only reply to, "Let me back in." He wanted to scream, and settled for making a large hole on the sidewalk with an ever-handy tonfa.

Tossed aside for a plant. The thought leaves a bad taste in his mouth as he tries not to lose his lunch. What did he do this time, anyways?

* * *

Desperate times calls for desperate measures. And in this case, extremely desperate measures.

The prefect shudders, pulling back and quickly wiping his hand on his coat after touching the door to Cavallone's 10th boss' office. No telling what cretin touched it before he did. The door opens by itself and a pleasant, "Hello" assails Hibari's ears. He winces and strides across the room with quick steps. The sooner he can get out, the better.

Hibari reaches over the book of poetry propped open next to a plant suspiciously similar to the one he had in his hand and without warning—grabs Dino's arm, extends it out and slams Fiona squarely into the man's palm.

"I believe this is yours." He spits out and quells the urge to make several tonfa shaped bruises on the man's head. He doesn't say anything about the long hours used up to infiltrate the Gokudera household, all for this one little houseplant, but Dino carefully averted his eyes from the hell-gaze and stares instead at his relatively-not-broken arm in Hibari's grasp, impressed with the fact that it hasn't been mauled yet. But the digging of nails into his skin quickly told him otherwise.

"Now. The idiot thinks he's the next world-class botanist."

Confusion sweeps across Dino's face, before realization sets in and the man's face breaks into happy curves, all the while not-so-inconspicuously trying to tug his arm away.

"Kyouya," he offers, all too familiar with this scenario, "If you've upset him again, all you have to do is apologize and I'm sure he'll take you back—" Dino stops, plastering on a little more than uncomfortable smile as he feels new blood vessels bursting under the pressure.

"Shut the hell up." And the man could only nod in agreement.

* * *

It takes Hibari a week for Gokudera to acknowledge his presence and another for him to stop the tirade of insults and curses that seemed to be irrevocably attached to his surname. He still hasn't stopped the yelling though.

And one day out of the blue, he decides to apologize. Who knows, maybe Cavallone wasn't as stupid as he looked. Maybe.

Nevertheless, he grabs both of Gokudera's wrists and looks the dynamite expert in the eye with as much sympathy he could muster. Swallows. "I'm sorry."

Gokudera stops, suddenly caught off-guard by this new Hibari. "...pardon?"

"I'm…sorry." Hibari grits out through his teeth. "That you were unable to remove your undying attention from a mere houseplant. I should've done something sooner." Shit. That bad taste in his mouth was coming back again.

Silence. And then-- "Thank you." Gokudera replies just as stiffly-- before his face lights up and grabs Hibari's hand, leading him to the balcony. Gokudera pulls Hibari down where a small bonsai tree sat, basking in the sunlight and he brings up a hand to stroke the minature leaves. His grin widens. "I'd like you to meet Alyce…"

Fini

1Strelitziaceae is the family name for the plant. Full name is: _Strelitzia Parviflora_. Y'know. That whole "Domain Kingdom Phylum Class Order Family Genus Species" thing.

2There's actually something called speciesism. Really. Don't look at me, I didn't make it up.


End file.
